I don't know what's next

This week was my birthday. Most people at my age know what they want to do with their life. Many of them are already doing it. They've gone to school, have careers, started families. I've done the same- except a path that should take a life time took me less than ten years. I've been to school, got a degree, got married, owned two businesses, bankrupt one and personally us, had my dream job, sent four babies to heaven, and now I am "retired" and living the life of a "poor starving artist", and serving as much as I am capable in the church.

But I'm only 26. I still have most likely 3/4 of my life to live and I have no idea what to do with myself. What I want more than anything in life is to be a stay at home mom, but that's currently not an option (although with a new rabbit in the house it might as well be an option). I'm not working except for a few commission jobs here and there, and I don't really want to work. I wouldn't mind going back to school, but financially and geographically,  it's impossible at the moment, even if I was working I still couldn't financially afford school. I don't even know what I would want to go in to (I have a degree in graphic design but not sure if I want to get a higher degree in that). Everyday I sit at home painting and illustrating, playing with my rabbits, and I serve in the Relief Society presidency. 

I feel this overwhelming guilt that I'm not being a more productive member of society. I feel if I'm not actively doing something productive that I'm failing my role in society. In all reality I'd rather spend my days away from the pressures of society, living a simple life doing art all day, so I don't know where this guilt comes from. I don't even know if it's normal to feel this way. I realize I still have time to figure out what I want to do in life, but besides being a mother, I have no real desires in my life. I know that sounds really pathetic, and I agree, but even before I learned how hard it was for us to have children and my desire to have children became stronger, I've always been a little wishy washy on what I want out of life. I'm 26 years old and I feel like an 18 year old straight out of high school with no life road map. I don't know where this next year will take me, I hope that I can become a mother, but if not I guess I'll be doing the same shindig as last year. Let's hope that better things are coming my way.