I admit I watch a lot of Netflix. I kind of feel like I'm making up for all the time I missed watching while growing up, or maybe I'm just trying to pack it all in before we have kids and I regret ever owning a tv. Either way, I'm aware it's a lot and is my worst bad habit (with the exception of gluttony whenever chocolate is in within reach :P), but I do attempt to either watch educational shows or create art while watching tv shows for background noise as I lose myself in my paintings.
Netflix has a never ending supply of documentaries. I love nature documentaries. I've loved them since I first watched one in elementary school. I still love the super old ones, which is kind of weird because most of the time I hate watching old shows or movies that scream 'OUT DATED'. I honestly don't know why my zombie teenage self never thought of going into science. I loved science in school and as a kid animals were my passion. So I could watch nature documentaries every day if I wanted to.
Unfortunately, Netflix may have a never ending supply of documentaries, but only a limited number of those are nature/animal ones. So when I ran out of those, I started on physics, astronomy, history, archeology, and paleontology documentaries (all other passions of mine growing up).
Now all that's mostly left in my queue are social political documentaries. (And this it where it gets sad.) Before I married my hubs, I did not understand what was socially happening in the world. I didn't even understand the true definition of 'social'. Not until I was well into my marriage did I realize I did have some opinions surrounding social political topics (I was very apathetic when I was younger, and still am a tiny bit.) I also found myself meeting new people outside of my little social bubble with different ideas that rubbed and wedged themselves between my ideas forming my own social/political opinions. Then I started watching social/political documentaries. Had I known that watching these documentaries would open a Pandora's box in my mind, I would have stopped after the first one.
Social/political docs are my least favorite genre of documentaries. 99.9% of these are super biased leaning towards the left, (which is the way I tend to lean) most are produced by ancient hippies, or social justice gurus, not that I have a problem with my own people, but, when you watch docs that are negative towards everything from food to health care and gendercide to conspiracy theories, you tend to feel like the world is a horrible place and every one is bad and your trapped in your own home with no real freedom because some big corporation has the hands in every human being's pockets and have you tied down while they beat your cat, steal your children, and then fine you thousands of dollars for looking at them funny, all in the name of capitalism/making money/politics/religion/etc.-take your pick. Yeah, that's basically how I felt after watching enough variety of social/political docs.
As true or untrue the facts are in these documentaries, they gave me disparaging feelings for the world around me and I've been stewing on it a lot lately. A plethora of 'how could they do this??' 'How could they do that??' And 'He said, she said' battles going on in my head. It's bad enough with depression that makes me feel guilty for not being a "productive member of society", that now I have this gray cloud of "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SCREWING UP THE WORLD FOR ALL OF US!" over my head.
All I could think about during my stupor was, 'what's God think of all this?' When everything in this life has come into play, up to the present, where the entire world is squabbling with hatred over every single, dinky matter in the world that maybe, just maybe, might influence a person's body and soul in the wrong way- what's God thinking? When part of the world says 'this is right!' and the other says 'no, this is right!'?
In all my life I have never felt so betrayed by humanity, where everything everyone says is a lie. Even the very existence of God, where most people put their trust when needed, only to have it taken away by the uncertainty of if he exists or not. What do people do when that happens to them? I'm lucky enough to believe that I don't care if you're right or wrong about God existing or not, I'm staying on this path to God no matter what.
Even with my faith secured with God, I was still in a funk over how horrible we treat human life. Life period. How we lie to get gain or to hurt others. How some are so stubborn that they won't change to better the world around us. I was feeling dark until I watched this video:
I watched the video and I sat there thinking, I would be so very lucky to get that far along in a pregnancy! (I did have to wipe a tear away.) Then I watched as the nurses rested the baby on his mom's chest with a dozen of tubes sticking out of him every which way. And instead of thinking how horrible it was that they had turned her baby into a cyborg or some other obscure negative thought from my funk, all I thought was how wonderful it is that science has advanced so far that this tiny little life has a chance to survive. How wonderful those nurses must be to dedicate themselves to being this little angel's guardian. How wonderful it would be if science could do that for me!
Somewhere in the back of my head I was thinking, "screw those money bags! This here is a perfect life, pure and not corrupt." I decided then, that even if there were money bag hogs pulling the strings behind the hospital or the company who made the equipment used at the hospital to help keep him alive, I couldn't let their failings to the world bother me, because someone, at some point, got it right when they brought that machine into the world. It's only when the bottom line and protecting that bottom line matters more than changing the world or protecting the lives in it, that everything goes corrupt.
As much as I wish I could put the genie back in the bottle, I can't. So here's to trusting God in hopes that they don't screw us up more than they have already, and here's to the generation being born now in hopes that they can correct our mistakes.
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